MY, ROCK IN THE SHOE

Tonight I had an "ah-ha!" moment while reading a story from the book Hot & Heavy. The story is called Take off the Damn Shoe!, there is a couple lines in there that hit home, hard. These lines might be a trigger for some, just a warning, but in the end I will explain why I quoted these lines.

"When I lose weight, then I will go to that party. 
When I loose weight, then I will take that class..."

"How many kids are putting their lives on hold because 
they are being consumed by such shame and 
self-hate that they don't give themselves the opportunity 
to try things, to let go and dive in?"

This was me. This is how I thought last year and the years before. This year, I'm not thinking this way. Last year I would always tell myself that once I could get down to a smaller size, I would join a yoga class. A couple months I discovered a yoga studio called Fat Yoga in Portland (mind you, I live in Arizona, ugh). While learning to love myself I came across this amazing place when I stumbled across the blog, The Nearsighted Owl and I wanted to pack my bags and head to Portland, immediately! I even emailed the studio to see if they had plans to open up studio's anywhere near me or had some tips and such. Sadly, nothing right now near me, but thats ok... I still have hope! Now knowing that others my size and shape do yoga, I feel the urge to let go and join a yoga studio near me and just soak up every inch of love I have for yoga. I can do yoga, I can do anything I want and I don't have to put my life on hold to enjoy the things I love.


Some don't know about this, but I was a victim of bullying when I was in Junior High (I'll be 30 this year, to give you a time frame). I was teased not about my weight, but about my nose. Yes, my nose. I have a big nose and bump on my bridge and it took years for my face to grow into it. It's still there and will be there for ever. The kids called me Pinnochio and joked about me looking like Barbara Streisand. Back then at my age, Barbara wasn't in my eyes seen as gorgeous, she was an adult, therefore I thought of her as old and not a compliment. Now, it's a compliment! Apparently they told me I was also the President of the Big Nose Club... yet, I don't remember signing up for that one. Even a kid tossed a rock at my shoulder while walking home from school. Although I do remember the look of fear when my dad picked me up and drove passed him slowly, my dad is a big guy. So to me, this was another "rock in my shoe". It took years for me to grow out of this self consciousness and learn to love my nose. How do I like my nose now? I love it, I wouldn't change a thing. If someone offered me a free nose job, I would gladly turn them down I love it so much. It has character and makes me just that more unique.


So I haven't even finished this story in the book, I just had to stop, make a note and do a blog post. This book is amazing and I can relate to almost all of the stories. They all hit home and have me almost in tears they are that good.


13 comments:

  1. You already know i find you the most beautiful person in the World. But i think everyone should know it to. I did become the luckiest guy when i married you. Self love is amazing and you have it for sure, not to mention the best friend a person can have. I'm lucky to be that person as well. Love you!

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    1. Love you <3 Your support helps me daily with loving myself.

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  2. i think your nose is beautiful! i actually almost said so in a comment once but i thought it'd be weird.

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  3. Your nose is freakin adorable! Stupid kids. I am reading that book too. Very slowly. Slow reader here.

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    1. Aww <3 Love that book, I to am a slow reader lol! I finally indulged in some read time last night. The stories in it blow me away.

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  4. I have a bump in my nose too! I was also teased but about my big forehead. I got called bowling ball. :rollseyes: Kids are stupid but we are awesome (and we know it!).

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  5. Have you ever read "Fat!So?" by Marilyn Wann? That is a huge part of her message, that you shouldn't put your life on hold until you get skinny. I remember being thunderstruck at the idea that I didn't have to get skinny before I could travel or buy clothes that I liked or even eat healthily! Such a powerful lesson, no?

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    1. Thats so funny you mention that book! I just ordered it last night, along with 3 others! I'm anxious to read it, thats exactly how I have felt for most of my life until now. It's really exhausting, having to not do what you want because you "think" you can't. I think I finally just got tired of putting everything off. Can't wait to read it!! :D

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    2. The really lovely thing, too, about Marilyn Wann is she's super fabulous. I wrote her a fan letter after I read the book and she sent me a lovely note in return.

      I really hope you enjoy the book!

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  6. that's weird. i just wrote a poem about my nose for a class.

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