"When I lose weight, then I will go to that party.
When I loose weight, then I will take that class..."
"How many kids are putting their lives on hold because
they are being consumed by such shame and
self-hate that they don't give themselves the opportunity
to try things, to let go and dive in?"
This was me. This is how I thought last year and the years before. This year, I'm not thinking this way. Last year I would always tell myself that once I could get down to a smaller size, I would join a yoga class. A couple months I discovered a yoga studio called Fat Yoga in Portland (mind you, I live in Arizona, ugh). While learning to love myself I came across this amazing place when I stumbled across the blog, The Nearsighted Owl and I wanted to pack my bags and head to Portland, immediately! I even emailed the studio to see if they had plans to open up studio's anywhere near me or had some tips and such. Sadly, nothing right now near me, but thats ok... I still have hope! Now knowing that others my size and shape do yoga, I feel the urge to let go and join a yoga studio near me and just soak up every inch of love I have for yoga. I can do yoga, I can do anything I want and I don't have to put my life on hold to enjoy the things I love.
Some don't know about this, but I was a victim of bullying when I was in Junior High (I'll be 30 this year, to give you a time frame). I was teased not about my weight, but about my nose. Yes, my nose. I have a big nose and bump on my bridge and it took years for my face to grow into it. It's still there and will be there for ever. The kids called me Pinnochio and joked about me looking like Barbara Streisand. Back then at my age, Barbara wasn't in my eyes seen as gorgeous, she was an adult, therefore I thought of her as old and not a compliment. Now, it's a compliment! Apparently they told me I was also the President of the Big Nose Club... yet, I don't remember signing up for that one. Even a kid tossed a rock at my shoulder while walking home from school. Although I do remember the look of fear when my dad picked me up and drove passed him slowly, my dad is a big guy. So to me, this was another "rock in my shoe". It took years for me to grow out of this self consciousness and learn to love my nose. How do I like my nose now? I love it, I wouldn't change a thing. If someone offered me a free nose job, I would gladly turn them down I love it so much. It has character and makes me just that more unique.