As silly as this sounds, I have always been the one to steer clear of beauty stores and hair salons. Why, you ask? I always felt uncomfortable in them with the hanging thought that only thinner women could go to these places, it's was their territory, not mine. When I think about this more, I realize that this is an area I need to work on. I still get nervous going into a salon or beauty store, but I'm starting to think more confident. This is such a silly goal, but I want to one day go into a store or salon with full confidence and know that it is no one's "territory". It's funny how society and the media has warped my own brain with this thought. Most of what you see on and in magazine's are thin, gorgeous women in makeup ad's and in the "tips & tricks" section. It's really sad and I hope that Z (my 4 year old daughter) can look past this and not let it effect her like it has me as she grows up. I try my best to teach her good and positive things in general. When she saw the cover of the book Hot & Heavy, the first thing that came out of her mouth was "Mommy, she's beautiful!".
I know I have a long, long, long journey ahead of me for self acceptance. But this is a challenge I want to take on, unlike weight loss. Self acceptance seems to have such a greater meaning than a number on a scale. When I move next month, I do not plan on bringing my scale with me. Also, I used to wear a ring that read YOU GOT THIS and it was meant for me as a reminder about my weight loss at the time. Today, I took that ring off and will not put it back on. I do not want to be reminded of that road I was aimlessly trying to go down for 5 years. Even if I change the meaning of the words, it still has the same meaning and I don't want to look at it. Instead, I plan on getting a new ring made that will read something else, but I haven't decided on what just yet. But I do know that it will read something awesome, something fierce, something that will empower me as a woman with all my fat and all my happiness.
Sorry to get so "deep" in this post, it was something that was on my mind for a couple days now and I just had to write it out for my own good. I promise to get crafty this week and have other fun posts!
What do you struggle with mostly?
Radical Self Worship
Yesterday I spent a little time spinning some yarn outside while Z played in the grass. I needed a moment to do something for myself and unwind, this was perfect!
What is Radical Self Worship? Click the heart on my right sidebar for more info!